


It's Ollie's Fault...

by truc



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Green Arrow (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Annoyed Lex & Bruce, Bragging Ollie, Crack, F/M, First Time, Gen, Least romantic first time ever, M/M, Sex, Students, bad roommates, he has it coming, negotiation, teaming up against Ollie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 15:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15584508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truc/pseuds/truc
Summary: Where Ollie is the fastidiously annoying roommate and Bruce and Lex have had enough.





	It's Ollie's Fault...

"Do you know that you are the most boring roommates I could have asked for?" Ollie asks his two roommates. Bruce continues doing his set of push-up while Lex simply continues to write his homework, both used to the endless talking machine that is Ollie.

"We are Friday night!" a scandalized Ollie pursues.

"Is that supposed to mean something? I doubt it means you can badger us for no reason. You do that every day of the week," Lex answers while typing something up on his computer-probably his dissertation homework due at the end of the year.

"You are supposed to have fun. F-U-N."

Neither of his roommates answers except if Bruce's exertion grunts count.

"I know, I should take Lex's dictionary and read the definition. I doubt either of you knows anything about it,"

The only reaction he gets is Lex's frown and answer, "You have your own dictionary. Don't take my stuff."

Ollie walks over and snatches Lex's reference book and find the page he was looking for," First definition: what provides amusement or enjoyment; specifically: playful often boisterous action or speech full of fun. Second definition: a mood for finding or making amusement all in fun. Third definition: amusement, enjoyment. Sickness takes all the fun out of life. Play games for fun or derisive jest: sport, ridicule a figure of fun. They made fun of the way he talked. Fourth definition: violent or excited activity or argument. Insults were exchanged and then the fun began."

Lex switches to reading an assignment while Bruce starts doing set-ups.

"That's why neither of you can get laid, you know," Ollie continues as he sits on Bruce's bed.

He receives a glare from his roommate,"Don't sit on my bed."

"Come on, Lexy and Brucie, kindergarteners get more action than either of you to do. Have you even ever kissed anyone? No? You're going to be old men before you actually have some."

"You just want to brag you are finally losing your virginity," Lex states.

"I don't brag," Ollie leans more comfortably on Bruce's bed,"It's true. We are finally doing that step."

"Twenty-seven," Bruce counts as he changes position to do the plank.

"What?"

"You told us twenty-seven times this week alone that you and Andrea have reserved a hotel room and that you bought supplies of condoms and lubricant," Bruce explains while keeping his back perfectly straight.

Ollie nods, "I'm glad to see it is finally sinking in. Tomorrow, I'll be a man and you'll still be boys."

"Can you go annoy other people?" Lex was starting to lose patience,"I don't have time for your bragging."

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. You are both so dull, even Jack seems fun in comparaison. Who does homework they just received on a Friday night? And Bruce, you already did three hours of workouts today. Can't either of you take a break?"

"This world needs a mind like mine to solve its problems," Lex snaps.

"I have to be better," Bruce's blank mask face replies.

Ollie sighs, "Whatever. I know you are both jealous I'll soon be the only man in this room." On the increasingly menacing looks his roommates send his way, Ollie walks out with a cheery, "Enjoy your evening, suckers."

The silence was welcome by the two occupants.

Half an hour later, Lex mentions, "You know, maybe Ollie has a point, maybe it is time we lose our virginity."

Bruce argues,"I'm not paying prostitutes. And I'm not going to a party or bar. Alfred does not need to find details of my sexual life online. I don't have time to waste vetting a possible trustworthy candidate."

"There are less... riskier options," Lex answers as he turns to face Bruce.

A pause then an "Oh."

"Is that an Oh no or Oh yes?" Lex carefully asks, feeling he was treading thin ice.

"It's an 'Oh, I'm listening'."

"For once, Ollie is leaving us alone in the dorm. We could use the opportunity."

"Let's do it," Bruce answers as casual as Lex had wanted to sound.

"Now?"

"Now."

"Who's..?"

"Flip a coin," Bruce proposes, sitting up.

"Is that fair?"

Bruce sighs, carding his hair, "Fine. The one who bottoms gets a blowjob beforehand. Is that better?"

"Yeah," Lex seems somewhat satisfied.

"But I have a condition to add," Bruce interrupts.

Lex arches an eyebrow.

"We use Ollie's supplies and we do it on his bed."

Lex's lips curl upwards in a malicious smile,"I was just about to propose that."

***

Next morning...

"Hey, guys!" Ollie slams the door open, "Guess who's a man!"

Bruce reads a complicated looking book, "Kim Kardashian?"

Lex turns in his bed and mumbles something about early risers.

"I'm a man!" Ollie proudly declares. Bruce doesn't even bother looking at him. Lex mutters some sort of insult.

Ollie sits beside Lex and takes away his blanket, "Wake up! I'll tell you all about it. That's probably the most firsthand experience you'll ever get."

"Will you leave us alone after?" Lex groggily asks.

"It was... incredible. I mean, it is simultaneously everything like in the movies and nothing like it," Ollie completely disregards Lex's unhappiness with his presence.

Ollie sighs,"You don't know how awesome it is."

Lex gets up and finds his clothes.

"Did you hurt yourself?" Ollie asks, noting the small limp Lex has.

Lex yawns, "I stumbled and fell yesterday. I also spilled some juice on your bed when I fell."

Ollie frowns, "You didn't clean up your mess? That's so disgusting. Now, my sheets are going to be all sticky."

"That's terrible," Bruce deadpans as he turns a page.

Ollie looks at his roommates and chuckles, "So, that was your jealousy lashing out for me getting laid? You are both so petty."

"You have no idea," Lex mumbles under his breath.


End file.
